shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
