I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
