what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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