Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
