Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
