why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
