Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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