i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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