He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
