dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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