After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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