Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
