Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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