my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
