You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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