I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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