i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
