I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
