is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
