I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
last night I used snow as a chaser
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
