so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
