My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
