You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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