I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
