i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
