Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
