look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
