She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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