My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
