Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize