Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
