Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
