We're facebook friends in real life
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
