he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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