afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
