i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
