Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
two words: eviction party
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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