i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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