I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
