I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she told me i tasted like america
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
