why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize