Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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