If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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