If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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