the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
