im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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