I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
