so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
