I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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