literally had 100 drinks last night.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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