there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
