Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
