I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ladies don't puke and tell
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
