Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
