So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
