I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
