...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
