I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
