this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am naked and annoyed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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