I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
