i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
