Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
