i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
