yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize