Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize