You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
