I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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